True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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