Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
