dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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