She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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