Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
