Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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  (661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf
  Replies (18) Good night (940) Bad night (3903)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards

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  (407): He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards http://tfl.nu/ieco
  Replies (24) Good night (1135) Bad night (4061)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.

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  (612): I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate. http://tfl.nu/beue
  Replies (40) Good night (1187) Bad night (7019)
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  (530): View more from California

  the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.

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  (530): the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been. http://tfl.nu/so6l
  Replies (8) Good night (823) Bad night (3059)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

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  (484): scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates http://tfl.nu/oxez
  Replies (12) Good night (7163) Bad night (1100)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka

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  (985): I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka http://tfl.nu/h91z
  Replies (10) Good night (2302) Bad night (979)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now

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  (401): 5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now http://tfl.nu/dpww
  Replies (18) Good night (2192) Bad night (1744)
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  (646): View more from New York

  you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor

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  (646): you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor http://tfl.nu/zdss
  Replies (3) Good night (1402) Bad night (965)
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  (707): View more from California

  Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick

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  (707): Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick http://tfl.nu/qfj7
  Replies (3) Good night (1578) Bad night (554)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  they paper machayed me.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.

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  (484): they paper machayed me. (215): i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers. http://tfl.nu/kseh
  Replies (5) Good night (3253) Bad night (475)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.

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  (248): Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose. http://tfl.nu/kcg6
  Replies (8) Good night (1384) Bad night (396)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.

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  (501): I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual. http://tfl.nu/m5w4
  Replies (4) Good night (893) Bad night (365)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX

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  (703): He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX http://tfl.nu/gbwm
  Replies (6) Good night (1324) Bad night (815)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.

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  (775): He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants. http://tfl.nu/n2nz
  Replies (3) Good night (1424) Bad night (541)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??

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  (319): Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE?? http://tfl.nu/27co
  Replies (4) Good night (516) Bad night (383)

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