That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.