Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?

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  (360): Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else? http://tfl.nu/srg3
  Replies (10) Good night (726) Bad night (2698)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.

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  (217): i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet. http://tfl.nu/nuvu
  Replies (55) Good night (1176) Bad night (3867)
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  (818): View more from California

  She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?

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  (818): She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs? http://tfl.nu/4vl4
  Replies (74) Good night (986) Bad night (6402)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think I can smell my own vagina right now

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  (720): I think I can smell my own vagina right now http://tfl.nu/1nsr
  Replies (126) Good night (1411) Bad night (22865)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love

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  (516): I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love http://tfl.nu/fo0q
  Replies (41) Good night (2595) Bad night (4485)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?

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  (608): do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life? http://tfl.nu/au0e
  Replies (13) Good night (5303) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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  (603): Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now? http://tfl.nu/rq4w
  Replies (17) Good night (2329) Bad night (3492)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.

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  (203): I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed. http://tfl.nu/jzfc
  Replies (35) Good night (6354) Bad night (2313)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed

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  (219): I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed http://tfl.nu/t98c
  Replies (2) Good night (1998) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

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  (949): The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses. http://tfl.nu/cf7g
  Replies (25) Good night (3747) Bad night (2267)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.

  (1-707): View more from California

  Put down the everclear and go to bed.

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  (707): I kinda wanna eat your hands right now. (1-707): Put down the everclear and go to bed. http://tfl.nu/rmaf
  Replies (2) Good night (1977) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.

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  (303): He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door. http://tfl.nu/ylk0
  Replies (3) Good night (1565) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music

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  (787): They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music http://tfl.nu/mg50
  Replies (9) Good night (1431) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.

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  (937): Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog. http://tfl.nu/gtv2
  Replies (3) Good night (670) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over

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  (970): We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over http://tfl.nu/mjcg
  Replies (1) Good night (810) Bad night (360)

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