I can tuck mytits in my pants
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
