I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
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Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite