Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.

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  (925): Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab. http://tfl.nu/xv4n
  Replies (19) Good night (5070) Bad night (1140)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (70) Good night (8026) Bad night (1641)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wonder if you can snort coke upside down

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  (630): I wonder if you can snort coke upside down http://tfl.nu/eyfv
  Replies (20) Good night (1401) Bad night (2996)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.

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  (814): No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock. http://tfl.nu/ts69
  Replies (20) Good night (2844) Bad night (1254)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.

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  (614): Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce. http://tfl.nu/e1yj
  Replies (10) Good night (4158) Bad night (849)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter

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  (636): there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter http://tfl.nu/6rqt
  Replies (3) Good night (2443) Bad night (971)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.

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  (719): it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using. http://tfl.nu/4is0
  Replies (6) Good night (1220) Bad night (3126)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

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  (903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw
  Replies (9) Good night (3523) Bad night (806)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Did strip banana grams actually happen last night

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  (607): Did strip banana grams actually happen last night http://tfl.nu/pz66
  Replies (4) Good night (1431) Bad night (828)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.

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  (404): First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service. http://tfl.nu/76kl
  Replies (1) Good night (799) Bad night (448)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.

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  (509): Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe. http://tfl.nu/eubr
  Replies (2) Good night (736) Bad night (1070)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.

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  (410): I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now. http://tfl.nu/a4rz
  Replies (7) Good night (1210) Bad night (315)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"

  (682): View more from Texas

  God please dont post that to facebook.

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  (817): you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe" (682): God please dont post that to facebook. http://tfl.nu/pwe8
  Replies (3) Good night (381) Bad night (444)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?

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  (248): Anyone see the sob who took the piñata? http://tfl.nu/8bs2
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (424)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed

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  (336): Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed http://tfl.nu/q8dx
  Replies (3) Good night (267) Bad night (755)

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