I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??