it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.