i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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