I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
