chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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