Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize