i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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