Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
