She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
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The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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