When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
