i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
