My hand turned me down
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do vagina's smell?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
