If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
