I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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