oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
