separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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