She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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