if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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