home. puking in laundry basket.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
