I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
