Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
