I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i now understand why vodka
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
