I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
