ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Welp...herpes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
