Dual....:-)
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
