Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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