I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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