my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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