I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
