shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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