Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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