Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
