Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
