Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
