Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
