She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
