is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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