i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
