My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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