How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
