I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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