this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
