i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
