True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
