i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will pee on everything he values.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
