And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
