just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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