This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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