is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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