The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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