Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize
