do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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