I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
