So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
