i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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