would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
