we're chasing vodka with high fives
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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