I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize