I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
