Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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