Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
