Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
