there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
