I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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