the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can text with my tongue
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
